You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
