your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize