There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize