Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
