You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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