what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
