just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just gift wrapped bread.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
