Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
