Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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