Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
