Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
