Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
