you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
