so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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