if i died would you start the facebook group?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
