Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
