I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
