Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
