I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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