I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
