i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
