Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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