I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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