I just cut my nipple shaving
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize