I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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