Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Vodka?
Forever.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize