so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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