Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
