why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
