It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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