I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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