I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
