I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
