4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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