Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
