My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize