well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
