There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
