eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
