True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
