Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
