so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have already put on my inside pants.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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