dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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