I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
