She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
