You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
