I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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