Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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