Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
whose parrot is this?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
