a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
