I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Pants are for mortals
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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