I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
