Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
