at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
