god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
