i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
