11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
