so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize