"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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