It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
