woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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