We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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