I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
