that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
