He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
