Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
