I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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