Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
