my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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