I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Green mimosas i think yes
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
