So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
