u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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