remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
