you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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