I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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